Where's My Cross?

O Lord Our God,
In a world that conspires with me to sanitize all things, and make me comfortable, please help me find what it is that I'm supposed to bear. I really don't want it you know, Lord, but I do need it. In this this rubber-room reality where everything of substance and reality is blunted by endless shallow delights, and the thick padding of 'conveniences' I wonder if splinters digging into my back may be the only way of escape from this world of shining tin. I am far too comfortable, and I am far too complacent in light of your love. Rome burns. I play the fiddle. The play goes on, I sit with my feet dangling on the edge of the stage, leaving both earthly actors and heavenly spectators wondering if I have a part at all. I am more happy to finger those things of shining tin than to walk on streets of gold. Help me find my cross Lord, and see fit to secure it firmly to my back, even unto Calvary. Help me to encounter reality as it is Lord, by encountering the lynchpin of reality, the Cross. No more delusions, no more lies about this life. I will not say I am ready, or willing, and sure ability will be left to You also, but I will say come and lead to my Cross as I have shunned it for too long.
Amen